How to get the most out of group

Often we have thoughts and feelings that are outside our awareness yet guide our behavior. Taking care to notice what we are thinking and feeling in the context of the group provides the opportunity to better understand how these subtle aspects of our experience relate to events from our past and have an impact on our relationships.

In group, we are encouraged to set aside everyday social filters in the interest of honest and direct communication. It would be well within the norms of an interpersonal group to say something like, “I noticed myself wanting to interrupt you when you were talking, but I’m not sure why.”

Communication always takes place explicitly (the words we say and their associated meanings) and implicitly (the non-verbal aspects of communication such as our facial expressions and tone of voice). Noticing what we communicate non-verbally heightens our awareness of what we are feeling and the messages we are sending to others.

Curiosity about how we relate with other group members encourages exploration about the relationships we create with others and, in turn, opens our awareness to alternative ways of connecting that are more healthy.

Questions certainly have a place in interpersonal therapy groups, but they can also be very disruptive to the group process. Making a statement such as, “I imagined you were angry when Jim came in late” as opposed to asking the question “Were you angry when Jim came late?” serves to keep one reporting on their own internal process which is vitally important to effective group work. 

Noticing the things we avoid talking about in group (e.g., feelings of sadness, anger, happiness, frustration, appreciation, etc.) can be instructive as we learn more about ourselves. By talking about the things we typically do not bring up we are able to develop awareness of the things we have trouble discussing and to expand our ability to relate with others.  

The opportunity to give and receive honest feedback, especially from non-therapists, is a hallmark of group work and is one of the main reasons group therapy can be so helpful. Feedback helps us develop awareness of our blind-spots and gives us important information about the ways we affect others.

In group, we notice how the relational patterns we engage in with other group members mirror relationships with important people in our life such as our partners, parents, siblings, and friends. This awareness helps us better understand unhealthy and healthy dynamics we are prone to creating (e.g., protecting people from feeling sad, being attracted to people who need help, etc.) and creates opportunities to practice engaging in healthier ways.

It is typical for us to refrain from sharing our thoughts and feelings until they are well formed. In group, it can be helpful to share thoughts and feelings you are experiencing that are not quite clear. Exploration within the group facilitates understanding these not yet fully developed ideas.

It is very common for people in groups to have concerns or frustrations about different aspects of their group experience (e.g., one member talking too much, the leader not talking enough, not feeling accepted by some group members, etc.). Bringing up these concerns during the group, while anxiety provoking at times, can be very helpful to the overall group process.